Kurzgeschichte ..Ich bräuchte mal eure Hilfe

Hallo

Ich muss für die Uni eine Kurzgeschichte, ein Gedicht, ein Theaterstück oder irgendeine andere Form von "Creative Writing", also kreativem Schreiben fabrizieren. Ich hab jetzt angefangen, eine Kurzgeschichte zu schreiben und hätte von euch gerne mal ein bisschen Feedback, Was ihr von dem Anfang, dem Schreibstil und der Idee haltet. Und ob ihr nach dem ihr das gelesen habt wissen möchtet, wie es weiter geht.

"My face is stinging. It is kind of cold. That’s actually no surprise it is late November. We had the first snow this winter some days ago. There are leaves on the ground. Making these scratching, rustling sounds like crumpled paper as the wind chases them across the pavement. I like leaves and I to crumple paper as much as I like November. Tap tap tap tap. Just the name “November” is beautiful. It sounds soft, warm especially the “vember” part of it. Not like Months like “October” sounding all rough and unfriendly. Tap tap tap tap. October is a word that demands, if not yearns to be barked. But go ahead and try to bark “November”. You can’t make “November” sound unfriendly. Tap tap tap tap. No way! Tap tap tap tap. I sometimes get trapped in thoughts like these. Thoughts about everyday stuff we got used to. But those little things fascinate me. I don’t know why, I can't help it. Maybe I have a lack of focus; maybe I’m unable to see what is really important. Tap tap tap tap. Or at least what the majority considers important. Anyways, I’m wandering off the point here. My shoes are making this weird “tap tap” sound as I walk home. It’s just a ten minute walk from the University to my place. I’ve been awake for about 22 hours now. I don’t really know why I do this. One explanation might be that I am afraid to oversleep. That sounds weird I know but I can’t help it, once it is three or four a.m. I’m starting to worry. I calculate how much time I have left to sleep. And if it’s just five or six hours I begin to worry if I will hear my alarm. Tap tap tap. And as I think and worry and calculate it is near 6 a.m. and there is no use in sleeping only two or three hours so I get up, make coffee and there I am. Completely bummed out. But at least I haven’t overslept. Tap tap tap tap. There is this book called “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk. Yeah right, the novel was made into a film, but more important here is that the protagonist has severe sleeping problems. And at some point he says, that after being awake for many hours everything just seems to be a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. And this is somewhat how I feel as I walk home. Everything is kind of blurred and yet some details are sharp. Tap tap tap. Details like the leaves flying low over the streets. "

Zitat von wm66

Und ich bin traurig wieder einer Minderheit anzugehören...
Ich versteh nur Bahnhof

ich würd's ja übersetzen, aber das würd der ganzen sache n bisschen den sinn nehmen...

so ich bin "fertig":

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My face is stinging, my hands are numb. There is this tickle on the edge of my nostrils where the cold snot gathers. It is kind of cold. That’s actually no surprise it is late November. We had the first snow this winter some days ago. There are leaves on the ground. Making these whispering, rustling sounds like crumpled paper as the wind chases them across the pavement. I like leaves and I to crumple paper as much as I like November. Tap tap tap tap. Just the name “November” is beautiful. It sounds soft, warm especially the “vember” part of it. Not like Months like “October” sounding all rough and unfriendly. Tap tap tap tap. October is a word that demands, if not yearns to be barked. But go ahead and try to bark “November”. You can’t make “November” sound harsh. Tap tap tap tap. No way! Tap tap tap tap. I sometimes get trapped in thoughts like these. Thoughts about everyday stuff we got used to. But those little things fascinate me. I don’t know why, I just can’t help it. Maybe I have a lack of focus; maybe I’m unable to see what is really important. Tap tap tap tap. Or at least what the majority considers important. Anyways, I’m wandering off the point here. My shoes are making this weird “tap tap” sound as I walk home. It’s just a ten minute walk from the university to my place. I’ve been awake for about 22 hours now. I don’t really know why I do this. One explanation might be that I am afraid to oversleep. That sounds weird I know but that’s just me, once it is three or four a.m. I start to worry. I calculate how much time I have left to sleep. And if it’s just five or six hours I begin to worry if I will hear my alarm. Tap tap tap. And as I think and worry and calculate it is near 6 a.m. and there is no use in sleeping only two or three hours so I get up, make coffee and there I am. Completely bummed out. But at least I haven’t overslept. Tap tap tap tap.
There is this book called “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk. Yeah right, the novel was made into a film, but more important here is that the protagonist has severe sleeping problems. And at some point he says, that after being awake for many hours everything just seems to be a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. And this is somewhat how I feel as I walk home. Everything is kind of blurred and yet some details are sharp. Tap tap tap. Details like the leaves flying low over the streets. Tap tap tap tap. Sometimes I wonder how someone can be happy/fulfilled and content living in a bigger city. Sure it has its advantages. You don’t have to go far to get your supplies, everything is somehow “in reach”. Tap tap tap tap. Nonetheless I miss the little shithole I grew up in. As much as I sometimes cursed living there as much do I miss it sometimes. I miss breathing in and out without inhaling car exhausts, just breathing clean fresh air. This kind of thick earth flavoured air you smell near a field that has just been ploughed. Tap tap tap tap.But what I miss most about this little village named Wulfelade is looking at the landscape. Here in Hannover everywhere I go the farthest I can see is about fifty meters, 100 meters maximum. Then some building blocks my view. Tap tap tap tap. If I want to look at the sun, the clouds or the sky I have to throw my head back that it makes my vertebrae crack. I can’t just raise my head a little bit and enjoy the clouds turning from vanilla to orange to bloody red as the sun sets. Tap tap tap tap. We have this little hill about one mile north of my village, surrounded by fields. On top of that hill there’s a rock and this marks the highest point of the landscape. I enjoy sitting on that rock, just listening. The wind is rushing through the leaves of the few scattered trees, now and then there’s the “raaa” of a crow, a distant barking of a dog or the deep “moo” of a cow, enjoying herself on a meadow behind the tree line south of me. No tap tap tap, no fragments of conversation I overhear, no people rushing to get their Christmas shopping done. And sitting on that rock, I have the whole village in front of me, the forest behind me and this is the kind of view I’m talking about. I could spend weeks just gazing at this panorama. Now sitting in my room go figure how I feel seeing nothing but the façade of the office building on the other side of the street when I look out of the window. And here we go again, tap Tap Tap. Another thing I miss besides an unlimited view is not seeing anyone. I miss going somewhere and being alone without hiding. It sometimes really makes me kind of angry if I have to go to crowded places like train stations in the morning. There are these people, especially older people, who just walk slowly. And they block my way. While I make my way through this slow, thick mass of sleepy, tired people on their way to or from work, shopping or whatever they are up to, I wonder how the hell they can be content with this. On almost every face there is this dull expression. Tap Tap Tap. I can’t actually remember when I saw someone smiling. The other day I had this strange moment as I was on the subway. I stood there, looking at these people and it was really crowded. And I was listening to “Walls of Jericho” on my walkman and suddenly the singer started screaming: “chase life, don't let monotony burn another day. it pains me to think of all the time spent looking for change, but the change lies there with in ourselves. this moment in your life, has never been more right. dream like you'll live for ever, live like you'll die tomorrow.” And this was some kind of an enlightenment or inspiration. It made me think. Although I’m feeling strange towards this “carpe diem” and “memento mori” attitude at this moment I was wondering what I really wanted from life and if I lived it to its fullest potential. Tap tap tap. This was two or three months ago and I did a lot of thinking since then. But to be honest, I’m not a bit wiser now. I still don’t really know who I am, still don’t know why I really do what I do and most important of all still don’t know if there is something I want to change about my life at all. Tap tap think I just feel that I should change something. It is a feeling inside, completely abstract as if I was searching for something I really really needed and yet I don’t even know what it is. It is just an inner restlessness or uneasiness that is driving me nuts sometimes. And so here I am on my way home, still uncertain. But maybe this is just the way it is or should be. Tap tap tap. What would life be if I got it all figured out?

Desperation.
Overwhelming gratitude.

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